One mother’s honest journey through postpartum depression, the search for help, and finding her way back to herself.

I have been pursuing my mission to share Polarity with the world since the first time I sat at a table during one of Heather Principi’s workshops.

I remember the room spinning as I deeply unwound. Heather looked at me and said, “Welcome back to your body. You haven’t been there since childbirth.”

That stopped me.

Because she was right.

After everything I had gone through with postpartum depression, I finally felt like I was coming back to myself. In that moment, I knew I wanted other women to know that my journey had not ended with depression.

When the “Baby Blues” Didn’t Go Away

People tell you about the signs of postpartum depression.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how to respond when I recognized those signs in myself.

I told my doctor how I was feeling, but at first it was dismissed as the “baby blues” that would pass.

Except mine didn’t.

I tried joining mom support groups because that was what you were supposed to do, right? Find other moms. Talk about it. Get support.

For me, it did not help.

Instead, I found myself absorbing everyone else’s difficult stories while I was already drowning in my own emotions. I remember sitting there, probably not my finest moment, thinking I wanted to shake everybody and yell, “Wake up!”

Meanwhile, I had another problem. Who was watching my baby while I was supposed to be taking this time for myself?

It seemed like everyone who had spent years asking me, “When are you going to have a baby?” was nowhere to be found once I had one!

I called the counselors and therapists I had been referred to. After what felt like endless calls, transfers, unanswered messages, and no callbacks, I had had enough.

I wanted to run away.

I Didn’t Understand How Anyone Enjoyed This

Eventually, my friends staged an intervention.

They told me they wanted their happy bestie back.

They saw me crying all the time and knew something was wrong. They told me that people actually loved being mothers and even enjoyed it.

I thought they were lying.

Seriously.

No one was telling the truth about motherhood, and I was determined to tell the ugly truth because, for me, it was not fun at all.

The spitting up.

The constant crying.

The sleepless nights.

The nonstop pumping.

The endless cleaning.

And somewhere in the middle of it all, the loss of my own identity.

I could not find myself amid all that sleep deprivation and laundry.

Eventually, I agreed to try medication.

My experience with it was difficult. Instead of feeling like myself again, I felt like a zombie. I felt as if my emotional response had simply been turned off.

Then my son started walking at nine months old, and my anxiety shot through the roof.

I was grinding my teeth so badly because of the stress that I eventually needed braces.

And then came the moment that scared me.

The Moment I Knew Something Had to Change

My son walked toward the pool.

Everyone around me began screaming.

I just sat there.

I remember staring and thinking, Oh well. At least I tried.

My son was okay.

But I clearly was not.

That moment made it very real to me.

I had a serious problem, and something had to change.

Not someday.

Now.

Finding My Way to Polarity

I found a three-day retreat in town called Heal Yourself, and something in me knew I had to go.

I told my husband, “Take care of the baby. I’ll be back.”

And I went.

For three days, I learned about Polarity and the concept of bringing the body and life back into balance.

For the first time in a long time, something resonated with me.

I felt like I was finally in the right place.

I was also struggling with my medication and experiencing severe headaches when I tried to stop taking it. During that period, I tried wet cupping as part of my personal healing journey. I felt that experience helped me physically, and eventually I was able to move forward without the medication.

That was my experience and my path. This is not medical advice, and I believe every woman experiencing postpartum depression deserves support tailored to her individual needs and circumstances.

For me, the larger realization was this:

I wanted to understand Polarity.

Not just experience it.

To understand it.

From Performing Arts to Healing Arts

I followed in my teacher’s footsteps and wanted to learn everything she could teach me.

After a full year of studying with her, I earned my first certification and began conducting Polarity sessions with others.

Something had shifted.

What began as my search to feel like myself again became part of my purpose.

In June 2024, I moved to Vero Beach, Florida, after spending many years in New York City.

I joke that I needed to come back down to earth after living “in the air” for so long in NYC.

Florida gave me an opportunity to reconnect with the earth, rediscover parts of myself that felt familiar and meaningful, and continue exploring the healing work that had changed my life.

Since then, I have set up my table wherever I can, including beaches, parks, farms, ranches, fairs, retreats, and festivals, sharing Polarity and talking to people about balance.

I know what it feels like to lose yourself.

And I know what it feels like to finally begin to find your way back.

Postpartum Depression Was Part of My Story. It Wasn’t the End of It.

I wish I could go back and tell that exhausted new mom, buried under laundry, pumping, crying, anxiety, and sleepless nights, that she was still in there.

She wasn’t gone.

She needed help.

She needed support.

She needed space to find herself again.

My path led me to Polarity and ultimately from the performing arts to what I now call the healing arts.

Your path may look completely different.

But if motherhood doesn’t feel the way everyone told you it was supposed to, please don’t assume that means you are failing.

Speak.

Keep asking for help.

And if the first person doesn’t hear you, keep going until someone does.

Sometimes finding your way back to yourself begins with being willing to say,

I’m not okay, and I need something to change.

— Katherine Connors

This article shares Katherine’s personal lived experience and is not intended as medical advice or as a recommendation to start, stop, or replace any medical treatment. If you are experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression or another perinatal mental health condition, please speak with a qualified healthcare professional.

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